Thursday, August 9, 2012

God Speaks: True Stories of God's Interactions with Everyday People

 The book "Treasuring Grace" was inspired by a dream in which co -author Tracy Roberts feels that God spoke to her and directed her hand in the writing of the story. Many people feel God's special influence in their lives in direct or indirect ways.  This recurring column seeks to bring you some of their inspirational stories.

"Kim's Story"

"I was at the end of my rope. I was at the brink of making some very big decisions in my life and I felt as though the two people I counted on the most had let me down. My two best friends, the two people I counted on to love me and support me unconditionally, finally, in my darkest hour, exposed themselves as being...well, human after all. They looked at my situation, this big life changing decision I was on the brink of making, and put themselves into my place and judged me.  They put their own emotions and thoughts ahead of my feelings and needs, and although I had begged for understanding, support, and had wailed in grief, expressing my pain and distress, they both had let me down.
I remember hanging up the phone, from my conversation with a friend I thought I could turn too, and realizing I was alone. Alone in this world with this huge decision. I had no one to talk to, no one to work out the problem with until I could come to an answer. No one could listen to me without judging me or being hurt themselves I guess.
I got up, after crying out the depths of my pain. I felt empty and alone. Desperate. Dejected, I walked into the bathroom to shower and rinse away my pain. 
I stood in the shower, crying more.. sobs heaving through my body. I thought to myself.... and to God... "I surrender."
I do believe in God... although we have had our moments and disagreements in the past, but I wouldn't call myself a "religious" person per se.   I was at that moment however talking to Him.

"I surrender."  I said.  "Just tell me what you want me to do."
I heard His words in my head.  He said, "Just Live." 
I was suicidal.  I have been before.  And I took a deep breath, and I agreed, I would do so.

Then I heard. "You are a healer. You are meant to Heal, Kim, You don't get to have the things, the people, not even the life you want... You are meant to step in and heal others lives, and then step away..."

I knew the sad truth of that.  I knew it to be true and just. A Just sentence for my life and my mistakes and a gift as well, the joy of healing and helping others...although I would suffer, and have, greatly by having to love and give up over and over again.  It seemed just.  I would have to accept it.  

I knew it was God.

I still pray sometimes, asking for a way to have some Peace, some love for myself, ... the answers I receive seem to remind me of my penance... heal and move on." 

image: Flickr: 
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1 comment:

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